A Wellness Program For You

Okay, we won’t lie to you.  We’re doing just fine.  This job is a real piece of cake.  What a way to make some extra money.  All it takes is bending over (this is called tummy tucks) and climbing up and down on a stool (this is called step aerobics) for 10 hours a day.  Oh yes, you get to develop your math skills as well while you play Count Dracula.  “One, one little item.  Two, two little items.  Three, three little items.”  And so on. 

The really fun part is when you get to look into the bins at the lowest level with bunches and bunches of items in them.  There you are with your ass above your head trying to balance yourself on two knees and one elbow with your head next to the floor while pulling the items out of the bin like a katt burying his business in a sand box.  Once you get the items out and counted, then you have to “stuff” them back into the bin, nice and neat now, while balancing yourself on two knees and one elbow with your head next to the floor (this is called the dawg pose in yoga).

Don’t worry about your muscles and joints, they’ll let you know that they are still there; they’ll even introduce you to few new muscles that you didn’t even know you had.  But plenty of Advil and a heating pad will quiet them down after they torment you for a few hours.

Yes indeed folks, this is an all around program.  It stimulates mind and body, but what about the soul?  Well, we can assure you that you’ll be doing a lot of soul searching while doing 10 hours worth of tummy tucks, step aerobics, and yoga poses.  Your soul will be moved in ways you never dreamed of .

So, if this sounds like a program that you’d love to get in on, then just give Amazon a call.  Tell them that Darrell and Judy sent you – we get a referral fee (and if we can recruit enough suckers, eh, I mean dedicated souls, then we might even win an all expense paid trip to Hawaii).

Just think, you too could be experiencing all this fun and exercise.  No need to pay expensive gym fees when you can get paid for the experience.  All you have to do is make plans to show up sometime next fall and Amazon will be more than happy to let you play.  Exercise for the body, math skills for the mind, and yoga for the soul; who could ask for a more complete program.  Don’t delay, call today.  Operators are standing by. 

Take Care Until Next Time  - - - - - - - -

Chronicles Of The Latchkey Katts

Little Orphan Katie here.  Once upon a time, and not too awfully long ago, we had two wonderful humanoid parents; does anyone know where they are?  They go wheeling outta here in the wee hours of the morning leaving Alex and I alone all day to handle things on the home front.  Then they return again to only sit and stare into space.  They both moan and groan.  Dad puts the heating pad on his back and shoulders while mom keeps pumping Advil.  What’s Valium?   They both claim they need it – bad!!!!

We hear they are playing the w*rk game, whatever that is.  I’m quite sure it is not something that we katts would be very interested in.  When we need stuff, all we have to do is wish upon a star.  You know,  

“When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
It will come to you”

Our food comes from an endless supply in the pantry, so it’s not necessary for us to enter into that w*rk game kind of torture.  All we have to do is meow a couple of times, click our heals together, and do the purr thing, then we get what ever we want.  Aren’t humanoids great?  Every katt should own one or two. 

Anyhow, Mom’s whooping dad at the w*rk game.  In ten hours she inventoried 1407 bins to dad’s 1345.  Both have a 99.3% accuracy rating and are exceeding the goal of 125 bins an hour.  I wonder if there are any katt toys in them thar bins?  They say that Amazon stocks anything that you can think of or want.  Got any katt nip?

Oh well, it time for us to take up our duty of keeping the home fires burning while the old folks go back to the salt mines (is that the same as the w*rk game?).  Hurry home before our bowls need filling.  Oh yes, mom says to give Norm and Linda a thanks for the Well Pads, but I think they might be needing more.

Many purrs to you and if you happen to see our mom and dad wandering the street, send them home where they belong.

Katie

UUUGH!!!!!!

And that’s all we have to say about it!!!!!!

Take Care Until Next Time  - - - - - - - -

The Long Long W*rk Day

Well, how’d it go?  Yep!  Are you still alive?  We’ll know just as soon as we get the doctor’s report back.  Were you tired?  Well, duh!!!  But guess what?  We get paid the shift differential for all hours worked.  It just keeps on getting better and better – the hits just keep rolling in.

We crawled home, heated up some beef stew, fell asleep face down in the stew, managed to run through the shower, and then poured ourselves into our recliners.  I covered up with the Man Quilt and was afraid that that would be right where I’d find myself in the morning.  But, alas, we were able to drag ourselves off to bed just as soon as we medicated ourselves.  Better put more Advil on the top of the shopping list, honey!!!

Now we’re hearing that damned noise again; someone want to kill that clock?  You mean we gotta get up and do it all over again?  Oh well, at a $11.50 an hour, it will be worth it in the long run; and that’s just what it seems like right now – a long, long run.  Will we do it again next year?  The verdict is still out, but we’re not saying no at this point (at least one of us isn’t anyhow).

Take Care Until Next Time  - - - - - - - -

This Is It!!!

This is it!!!  Black Friday!!!  “They” (whoever they are) say we are into the “Peak” season now.  So, no more laughing, no more fun, Amazon’s peak season has begun.  If you show your teeth or tongue, you’ll have to w*rk mandatory overtime.  Or something like that. 

Anyway, we are off for our first 10 hour marathon w*rk day.  We’ll leave the house at 0530 and get back home at just before 1700 hours.  Let’s see, 1700 minus 0530 equals 11.5 hours.  And that, my friends, is a looooong w*rk day for a youthful fulltime w*rker bee, let alone a baby boomer retired couple w*rker bee.  Sure hope we survive!!!  Others have gone before us and made it.  So, most likely, we will too.

We owe, we owe, so off to w*rk we go.  Well, we don’t actually owe, but it is off to w*rk we go.

Take Care Until Next Time  - - - - - - - -