Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Wellness Program For You

Okay, we won’t lie to you.  We’re doing just fine.  This job is a real piece of cake.  What a way to make some extra money.  All it takes is bending over (this is called tummy tucks) and climbing up and down on a stool (this is called step aerobics) for 10 hours a day.  Oh yes, you get to develop your math skills as well while you play Count Dracula.  “One, one little item.  Two, two little items.  Three, three little items.”  And so on. 

The really fun part is when you get to look into the bins at the lowest level with bunches and bunches of items in them.  There you are with your ass above your head trying to balance yourself on two knees and one elbow with your head next to the floor while pulling the items out of the bin like a katt burying his business in a sand box.  Once you get the items out and counted, then you have to “stuff” them back into the bin, nice and neat now, while balancing yourself on two knees and one elbow with your head next to the floor (this is called the dawg pose in yoga).

Don’t worry about your muscles and joints, they’ll let you know that they are still there; they’ll even introduce you to few new muscles that you didn’t even know you had.  But plenty of Advil and a heating pad will quiet them down after they torment you for a few hours.

Yes indeed folks, this is an all around program.  It stimulates mind and body, but what about the soul?  Well, we can assure you that you’ll be doing a lot of soul searching while doing 10 hours worth of tummy tucks, step aerobics, and yoga poses.  Your soul will be moved in ways you never dreamed of Smile.

So, if this sounds like a program that you’d love to get in on, then just give Amazon a call.  Tell them that Darrell and Judy sent you – we get a referral fee (and if we can recruit enough suckers, eh, I mean dedicated souls, then we might even win an all expense paid trip to Hawaii).

Just think, you too could be experiencing all this fun and exercise.  No need to pay expensive gym fees when you can get paid for the experience.  All you have to do is make plans to show up sometime next fall and Amazon will be more than happy to let you play.  Exercise for the body, math skills for the mind, and yoga for the soul; who could ask for a more complete program.  Don’t delay, call today.  Operators are standing by. 

Take Care Until Next Time  - - - - - - - -


  1. Does your offer come with a complete satisfaction, double your money back guarantee?

  2. Amazon will be more than happy to take double your paycheck back, no questions asked.

  3. Sounds like you two will be in great physical shape after this is over. That is if all that exercise doesn't kill you first.

  4. You make it sounds so exciting! Just like that Army recruiter did back in 1966. Have fun, see the world, learn a new trade, meet new people, room and board provide PLUS a paycheck.

  5. way to go nice to see your getting 'into' it...and getting 'used' to it...I would think you'd have to start a regimented exercise program before even applying for the position lol...take care

  6. Your lovely daughterNovember 29, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    Best. Post. Ever! LOL